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Nikki Holland, Physical Therapist

First Dose of Moderna on 01/15/21 Lot #029L20A

Second Dose of Moderna on 02/15/21 Lot #024M20A

Northwest, TN




UPDATES 03/2022:

My updates page and full story can be found at: (just request to join and be added)


My video with the full story and pics of my journey can be found at:


Sharing my story with Polly Tommey on People's Testaments on Children's Health Defense TV (9/8/21):


Sharing my story with Dr. Heather Melton with Health Matters on the Mike Weatherford Show (12/4/21):


Sharing my story with The Frontline Nurses on their Ask the Nurses podcast (3/16/22):


ORIGINAL INTERVIEW:

Q: What was your life like before you got the vaccine?

My name is Nikki and I am from northwest TN.  I am the mother of 3 amazing kids and

engaged to my wonderful finance.  Prior to mid February, I was working full time as

Physical Therapist in the home health setting, working out/ running 3-4x/week, and as

far as current medical conditions, I had hypertension which was controlled with

medication and asthma that was also controlled with maintenance medications.  In my

past my asthma was classified as moderate intermittent and I had intermittent flare ups,

however over the past 5 years I have had no exacerbations.


Q: What was your reaction, symptoms, & timeline?


On Jan 15, 2021 I had the 1st Moderna COVID Vaccine with no side effects other than

some localized arm soreness.  On Feb 12, 2021 I had the 2nd Moderna COVID 19

Vaccine.  48hrs after the injection I had onset of severe nausea/vomiting.  This improved

but then 72hours after the injection I started having breathing difficulty.  I was still

working and seeing patients however I was having to use rescue inhaler multiple times. 

Over the next couple days breathing worsened and on Feb 17th, halfway through

workday, it became so bad I had to go to ER.  I was hospitalized and on Feb 19th (one

week after injection) I had to be placed on the ventilator due to respiratory failure. 

They treated me for an allergic reaction with epinephrine and medication to address

what appeared to be a resulting asthma exacerbation.  I was weaned off the vent after a

few days however this did not last but a couple of days and required reintubation.  I

developed bilateral pneumonia and MRSA (a blood infection).  After a 3rd time of having

to be intubated and placed back on mechanical ventilation, I was life flighted to larger

hospital. I developed laryngospasms but was able to be weaned off and after a week

was able to be released home on supplemental oxygen. 


After being released home I was readmitted 3 days later and life flighted to a larger

hospital due to increased shortness of breath and blood clots (DVT, possible Pulmonary

Embolus).  I spent time in the IC on BiPAP machine and was given extensive treatment of

blood thinners.  Once again released home after about a week.  When I was home I had

home health therapy and nursing services due to weakness that had developed and to

help manage my medical conditions, breathing, and medications.  I was home for a few

weeks which was starting to feel a little better with breathing when I noticed I started to

have more difficulty with my blood pressure fluctuating between hypertension and

hypotension along with tachycardia (increased heart rate).  I also started having more

nausea, vomiting, chest/ upper abdominal pain, night sweats, dizziness and abdominal

distension) abdominal swelling- I looked like I was 8 months pregnant).  I went to a

cardiologist who stated my heart was good and that my continued symptoms were GI/

respiratory in nature from what he thought.  I even ended up going to the ER where

they performed Abdominal CT and stated they did not see a source or reason and

couldn’t find anything abnormal other than some elevated liver enzymes and sent me

home. 


Soon after I noticed blood in a bowel movement and felt dizzy upon getting up and fell

hitting my head and side on the floor/ wall and had to go to the ER and life flighted

again to a larger hospital for shortness of breath and a GI bleed.  Also when coming out

of anesthesia for my endoscopy/ colonoscopy to find the bleed, I started having

breathing trouble.  This time doctors were saying lungs were clear but the tightness was

coming from my throat and thought vocal cord dysfunction/ laryngospasms.  At

discharge they released me home and set me up with an appointment with a vocal cord

specialist.


I went to the ENT/ vocal cord specialist who performed another laryngoscope and was

also evaluated by their speech pathologists who confirmed I was having vocal cord

closer and diagnosed me with Paradoxical Vocal Fold Movement Disorder/ Vocal Cord

Dysfunction.  She gave me exercises to perform and advised to perform these when I

started having trouble breathing and these should open up the upper airway/ vocal

cords and should prevent the need for reintubation, as long as lungs/ bronchi were clear

and asthma were controlled.


I was home a little less than a week, however breathing worsened and exercises were

not helping.  I went to a follow up appointment with my pulmonologist who said my

lungs sounded awful and was concerned about my increased struggle to breathe even

on oxygen.  He stated I needed to be admitted to the hospital that day and sent me in a

wheelchair across to the hospital and directly admitted me to the ICU.  My breathing

took a quick turn for the worse.  This resulted in the need to be intubated.  This was the

5th time since Feb requiring life support.  After emergency intubation and inserting a

nasogastric tube I was sent on my 4th life flight to yet another larger hospital. 

I spent the rest of the week in the ICU at the larger hospital with them trying to wean

me off the vent.  They stated lungs had improved however after multiple days of trying

to wean off the vent they were unsuccessful due to severe laryngospasms so they

decided to attempt extubating in the OR under general sedation to try to relax the

spasms/ vocal cords.  Under sedation/ anesthesia laryngospasms continued and after

multiple attempts to extubate a tracheostomy was required to maintain the airway.  The

Surgeon ENT stated that the tracheostomy would be required for the “foreseeable

future” as they were unsure the source of the laryngospasms.  They stated they

appeared to be neurologically based but wanted to ensure they would not occur again

or could find the source prior to considering removing the trach to avoid need for

emergency reintubation/ secondary tracheotomy to maintain open airway.  


During the hospitalization it was also noted I had decreased sensation in both legs,

increased difficulty walking with bilateral foot drop as well as the neuro team finding

positive/ abnormal reflexes.  I was having more muscle cramps, twitching and pain.  I

had gotten so weak I could not even get out of bed and transfer without significant

assistance.  Once they pulled the urinary catheter I was not able to void.  It was noted

that my bladder was extremely full and I was not feeling I had to go much less being

able to initiate voiding.  After this they had to perform in/out caths.  I had multiple

blood tests, full spinal and brain CT/ MRIs, and daily neuro evaluations.  They were

unable to find the exact source.  I was still having nausea/ vomiting and they were

unable to wean me off the feeding tube during this time stating I had developed

Gastroparesis and I needed to keep the nasogastric tube upon discharge for tube

feedings for supplemental nutrition.  Along with GI issue I was also having trouble with

speech and swallowing. I was discharged to an Inpatient Rehabilitation hospital to still

have nursing to help with medication and trach management and attempt to regain

more strength with PT,OT and improve swallowing, breathing and speech with speech

therapy.  After a couple weeks I returned home with a tracheostomy requiring

supplemental oxygen/suction/ humidifier machine for breathing management,

nasogastric tube for tube feedings, and multiple medications and advised to continue

therapy services in home health setting due to severe weakness and limitations in

mobility.


Since then I've struggled daily.  Some days are better than others. Since the above grip

of hospitalization I've seen multiple specialist who are not finding answers other than

treating subprogram and problems that arise.   Root cause can't be found and mainly

are treating symptoms and problems as they arise.   I am currently awaiting visits for

implantation of suprapubic catheter for the neurogenic bladder and possible permanent

tracheotomy options to implant as laryngospasms and breathing difficulties so not

appear to be improving and they can't find cause to treat to reverse.


I actually am currently sitting in a hospital right now as I stayed coughing up blood and

having difficulty breathing.   They are treating me for sepsis,

pneumonia/pneumonia/Aspiration  (they aren't sure what it is and just say my lungs

look like covid 19, which I'm negative for and have been throughout this entire year with

multiple tests, with CT showing ground glass nodules that are diffuse and multifocal, this

is causing pulmonary edema and heart problems.   I'm just tired and no one has answers

why and are ignoring the only conning variable as source to how this started... post

Vaccine and lack of acknowledging this I believe is hindering and blinding medical

professionals because of refusal to link connection and prevent people like me with

reactions the care and research we deserve.  We did our part, where are you now?


Q: What was your life like after you got the vaccine?

Here I am 8months after all this started and back in the hospital again! All of this following

the COVID 19 injections…after my second vaccine, I have been hospitalized multiple

times, during the first 100 days since all this started I spent over 60 days in the hospital,

of which around a total of 20 of those day I was intubated on the ventilator.  This time

included inpatient stays at 6 different hospitals, including multiple days in the ICUs

requiring 5 different intubations/ being placed on mechanical ventilation for breathing

support.  I was just life flighted for the 5th time this year a few days ago being most

recent and still in hospital, from smaller hospitals to larger hospitals.  Since June-now I

have had multiple follow up visits with doctors/ specialists including Primary Care

Physician, Cardiologist, Pulmonologist, Urologist, Gastroenterologist, Neurologist, and

ENT/ Voice Specialist/ surgeon, all who are trying to manage, treat and diagnosis the

current impairments.  I have also continued PT/OT/ ST in home health setting and

progressed to outpatient PT, exhausting all but a couple therapy visits that my insurance

allows. Despite continued interventions to improve strength and mobility, I have went

from using no assistive device to a cane, to now having to switch between a walker and

forearm crutches in the home mobility/ short distances and requiring the use of a

wheelchair for longer distances and now due to respiratory even shorter distances and

in home.  I use bilateral AFOs (ankle foot orthosis/ braces) to help with bilateral foot

drop.  I still have a tracheostomy, which have still been told this is long term so will be

looking at chasing trach to permanent style soon unless more info is found to treat

cause because given I am still having idiopathic laryngospasms cutting my upper airway

off completely at times they aren't willing to risk removal at this time.  I still have to use

suctioning/ humidifier/ supplemental oxygen machines to assist in airway and breathing

management.  I still have significant weakness, mainly in legs and right hand. I still have

muscle cramps, fasciculations, spasticity and pain especially at night after increased

activity during the day.  I still have to self cath for urinary voiding/ retention, 2-4x/day

and urologist performed urodynamics testing showing I have hypotonicity in my bladder

with minimal to no neural activity when bladder is full showing a neurogenic bladder,

and I am awaiting suprapubic Catheter implementation with possible future implantation of bladder stimulator to assist in ease of urination.  I still am unable to work, some days I can barely talk and wall for to shortness of breath, I'm always tired, I still have difficulty with normal daily activities and become very fatigued attempting to just watch and be a part of my children’s extracurricular activities.  I am on 21 different prescription medications.  I still have not found any significant improvements with current medical conditions with just mainly symptoms and management of conditions being the main focus as true root/ cause seems to be of continued question and confusion.


Q: Share your experience with any medical care and any diagnoses you have received:

List of Diagnosis Feb- now 2021 post Vax:

-Critical Illness Myopathy

- Chronic and acute Respiratory Failure with Hypoxia and Supplemental Oxygen

Dependence

-Severe Persistent Asthma

-Post Tracheostomy with tracheotomy dependence

-Idiopathic Laryngospasms

-Unspecified Neurological Disorder

-Gait Abnormality requiring assitive device/ wheelchair

-Ataxia

-History of Recurrent Falls

- muscle spasms

-spasticity

-Fasciculations

-Lower Extremity Weakness

-Bilateral Foot Drop requiring bilateral AFO braces

-Acute and Chronic Pain

-Chronic Deep Vein Thrombosis, Right Lower Extremity

-Gastroparesis

-GI bleed

-GERD

-Neurogenic Bladder, Catheter dependence

-Diabetes Type II

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Staphylococcus Bacteria Sepsis

-Bacterial Pneumonia

-Vocal Cord Dysfunction

- Hemoptysis

- Aspiration

-Sepsis

- Thickening of intraventricular septum

- Thoracic aorta ectactic

-Cardiomegaly

-pulmonary edema

- lung CT/xray: Multifocal patchy bilateral pulmonary parenchymal groundglass opacities

in a pattern concordant with Covid 19 infection.


Medical care:

- tons of imaging, blood tests, nerve and muscle tests, life support/intubated on vent 5x,

tracheostomy placed April, awaiting suprapubic Catheter placement, right now in out

self catheterization required for to neurogenic bladder and retention, medications for

infections, breathing, steroids, antibiotics, blood thinners for DVTs, fluid replacement,

antibodies, muscle relaxers, anti anxiety meds,  corticosteroids, antihistamines, pain

meds, supplemental oxygen, need for home oxygen/sectioning and humidification

machines through tracheostomy care, breathing treatments via nebulizer,

physical/occupational/speach Therapy in acute, inpatient, home health and Outpatient

settings, multiple hospitalizations and 5 life flights this year, disposition testing of

Colonoscopy, endoscopy, emg/NCS, CT/MRI/xrays (head, chest, spine, abdominal),

nasogastric tube for feedings, and multiple supplies and connections with medical

equipment place to gain access to equipment to help with the new musicals and medical

supplies and care I now need.


Q: Was your reaction reported, and what was the response?

Doctors weren't going to report.   So I reported myself.  Back in feb/ March, as I was

able, I started reporting my symptoms via vsafe check in for reports on how I was doing

every few days to every week as how I was doing post vaccine.   This was through CDC. 

Also during this same time I made a report to VAERS Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting

System which is also a part of the CDC. They emailed me back in mid may when I was in

rehab.  I've been trying to get ahold of them and I tried back with no success but then

finally at end of May/ June I talked to them on the phone.  They said they had

already collected most of my medical records and I could tell had read through them.

They stated they would continue to need me to send the names of any doctors I am

seeing to them so they can continue to request records as this continues.   They advised

me this is for medical research and investigation but I needed to send in a claim to the

CICP to request for compensation for adverse reaction. Which I knew I would have to if I

wanted to try and get help on these medical bills.  So I have been tracking down all my

medical records from the many hospitals and doctors I've seen thus far to get ready to

send before I file a claim, which had to be submitted within a year.   I was researching

this organization CICP countermeasures injury compensation program and very few % of

claims have even been approved and paid so far saying it wasn't vaccine just confident

or didn't come correctly. Medical bills alone are crazy but not to mention not being able

to work and transportation to medical appts and medical equipment and lifestyle

modification expenses, it is a huge financial burden that takes a toll on you mentally

especially when you are already down physically.   The other vaccine compensation

program (VICP) which like flu shots and all those pediatric shots fall under (that aren't

protected by govt in emergency cases like this one and h1n1)  they have much higher

rate of claims being compensated? Why? Just strange.. people need to know that if they

do their part and they have a rare reaction they have help!


I've also shared my story via video story on Facebook

(https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10103896314217389&id=51806919)

and youtube (https://youtube.com/channel/UC4bDfd2fD9KLXdndi6atiKw),


I've created a personal update group

(https://www.facebook.com/groups/185616776242361/?ref=share) to share my story

as it unfolds,


I'm not giving up despite being censored people need to know and we need help and for that we need a voice and platforms like this!


Q: Is there anything that has helped, and have your symptoms improved?

Honestly I can't say I've come across anything miraculous in the way of treatment. During all my hospital stays and most of my medical doctors’ appointments, I have had a

variety of responses by doctors, nurses, and other healthcare providers.  Some have said

they believe that all this is a direct cause by the vaccination but there is no way of

proving it as it is all too new.  Those have also said they have seen several patient’s post

vaccine with an array of medical problems ranging from respiratory to neurological to

cardiovascular, some which they stated were in the hospitals I was in at the exact same

time the ICUs.  Then I have some just ignore the vaccine component and just treat the

symptoms and conditions they see in the current and do not relate one thing to another

kind of like a whack a mole approach.  Then I had a few that flat out said “no it’s not

related,” but when asked why they no it’s not for sure, they would divert the

conversation and just base it on the fact I had asthma before, or things can just be

“coincidence” and I was already predisposed/ would have developed these medical

problems with time with or without the vaccine.  I’ve also had some not say one way or

another but you can almost feel the biased nonverbal body language that kind of comes

off like they are writing you off because you might be suggesting it is related to the

vaccine.  Most of the time these health professionals say “Well I’m not sure what is

causing it, but I believe it will get better” or “Sometimes things happen and we never

know the cause.” I also get the “Correlation vs/ Causation.” It just feels like in general,

healthcare providers are afraid to possibly relate to an adverse effect/ cause to post

vaccine, as they are fearful it would deter others from getting the vaccine and/or they

would be ostracized and viewed that they were anti-vax.  It just makes no sense.  To

admit/ treat possible response like this as side effects/ adverse effects does should not

have these stigmas and shame associated among healthcare providers and public. 

I have even been censored on social media with posts removed and advised I was

violating social community group standards sharing misinformation, when I was just

sharing my personal story and those out there also having issues. I don’t understand

when all other medications and medical procedures have adverse reactions and side

effects and doctors’ seem so readily available to investigate and find treatment for all of

those, but yet with this one is so different.  I have never been a conspiracy theorist and

have always supported vaccines and received all mine and have never thought twice

about the larger government health organizations and intentions, but how can I not

begin to question why and what’s going on different now? If this vaccine is for the

greater good and helping reverse this pandemic and keep people safe, wouldn’t you

think healthcare providers and government organizations would want to heir even more

on the side of caution and want to thoroughly investigate and hear reports like these?

So because of this I feel like nothing is really reversing out helping us just been like

evening treatment wise has been a life persevere to keep my head just above water to

get to the next problem and then I start to sink and her comes the bandaids with even

more confusion and question.   I wish I could share a miracle thing that had helped me

but I haven't found it yet!


Q: What do you wish others knew?

To others like myself who have experience reactions... know you are not alone!  You are

not crazy, you are not as rare of a reaction as this world may make you feel.   Your story is

real so don't be afraid to be your own advocate and share!


I get your frustration and hopelessness.  I had a few doctors that flat out said “no it’s not

related,” but when asked why they no it’s not for sure, they would divert the

conversation and just base it on the fact I had asthma before, or things can just be

“coincidence” and I was already predisposed/ would have developed these medical

problems with time with or without the vaccine.  I’ve also had some not say one way or

another but you can almost feel the biased nonverbal body language that kind of comes

off like they are writing you off because you might be suggesting it is related to the

vaccine.  Most of the time these health professionals say “Well I’m not sure what is

causing it, but I believe it will get better” or “Sometimes things happen and we never

know the cause.” I also get the “Correlation vs/ Causation.” It just feels like in general,

healthcare providers are afraid to possibly relate to an adverse effect/ cause to post

vaccine, as they are fearful it would deter others from getting the vaccine and/or they

would be ostracized and viewed that they were anti-vax.  It just makes no sense.  To

admit/ treat possible response like this as side effects/ adverse effects does should not

have these stigmas and shame associated among healthcare providers and public. 

You have to be strong because people will criticize you.  I have even been censored on

social media with posts removed and advised I was violating social community group

standards sharing misinformation, when I was just sharing my personal story and those

out there also having issues. I don’t understand when all other medications and medical

procedures have adverse reactions and side effects and doctors’ seem so readily

available to investigate and find treatment for all of those, but yet with this one is so

different.  I have never been a conspiracy theorist and have always supported vaccines

and received all mine and have never thought twice about the larger government

health   


It is easy to discredit and ignore us that are having medical responses that are

destroying are life and health, when you are not the one personally experiencing it. 

However when you are one of those numbers, those statistics that don’t seem to be

reflected in national reporting numbers, it’s a completely different story for you, your

family and caregivers… It is like being in the Ocean... surrounded by water, seeing a

lifeboat approaching and becoming excited in anticipation of getting help, but instead to

only end in helplessness, confusion, frustration and fear, as they yell hey the next boat

will help you or they just flat out ignore you and pass you by.


I want to be heard. I want others going through similar post vaccine medical problems,

out there to know they are not alone.  I want our medical community and government

to help us, not shame/ignore us.  I want to be helped. I want my health.  I want hope

that things will get better I want my old life back. I want to work again. I want to enjoy

my kids, finance and life. I am not an anti-vaxxer, I was pro-vax, and I was trying to do

my part and help, now where is my help, my voice? Where is our voice, we are real not

rare!